Pianoforte

Currently i am learning Korean, drawing, swimming and stitching. I know these are enough to fill my day. But i really think i wanna learn to play piano even though i'm hopeless when it comes to music note. Do we call it as music note? i mean a piece of paper which have all the music symbols. music note right? ok, i dont know, whatever. 

But to do it now, i don't think i have enough time considering i only got 10 months left to graduate..T_T

I love guitar too but if i have to choose between piano and guitar for now, i go for piano. The guitar, well let's just leave the guitar for Yuna and besides, guitar will destroy my beautiful fingers in no time wtf.

Well, i don't know when can i enroll for piano class, but 1 day i'll definitely do it. Of course i won't be as good as Beethoven or Yiruma or Maksim. I just want to be good enough to the point where i don't contribute to noise pollution when i play the piano.

Music is my life. I think, to express yourself by the sound of music without having to say anything, it's  too beautiful.

Nourishment

A Masjid goer wrote a letter to the editor of a newspaper and complained that it made no sense to go to mosque every Friday.

“I’ve gone for 30 years now,” he wrote, “and in that time I have heard something like 3,000 sermons. But for the life of me, I can’t remember a single one of them. So, I think I’m wasting my time and the Imaams are wasting theirs by giving sermons at all.”

This started a real controversy in the ‘Letters to the Editor’ column, much to the delight of the editor. It went on for weeks until someone wrote this clincher:

“I’ve been married for 37 years now. In that time my wife has cooked some 32,000 meals. But, for the life of me, I cannot recall the entire menu for a single one of those meals, But I do know this… They all nourished me and gave me the strength I needed to do my work. If my wife had not given me these meals, I would be physically dead today.

Likewise, if I had not gone to mosque for nourishment, I would be spiritually dead today!’ When you are DOWN to nothing…. Allah is UP to something! Faith sees the invisible, believes the incredible and receives the impossible! Thank Allah for our physical AND our spiritual nourishment!”

source: islamic thinking/tumblr

What i hate about love

When you love someone, and you are loosing yourself.

It's big deal for me cause when you loose yourself to him, that's when he is free to do anything to you. He can choose to protect you or destroy you. And there's nothing you can do about it. It's pathetic but you know how love potion act on your brain and your heart. It will dysfunctioned both organs and when you lost both organs, then your life is no longer yours. 

And I'm not ready to lose myself again to some guy. 

Sembang malam

Semalam punya tensen tahap gaban, blah balik dari lab tengahari. Bagus punya tido, bos plak kol. Dalam hati, terjahan persoalan yang tak sepatutnya dijadikan soalan,nak jawab ke tak. Kalau jawab kang, dengar suara mengantuk, kantoi plak kan. Maka, terpaksa la aku membiarkan operator telefon jawabkan. Pas solat asar, agak2 suara dah takde bau air liur basi, baru la kol balik encik boss dengan konfidennya. Esok boss cakap nak jumpa.

Maka, hari ni aku pon pegi mengadap. Janji pukul 11am, anta mesej pagi2 buta cakap jumpa kul 11.15am, angkut dengan budak baru masuk skali. Lagi 2,3 minit nak pukul 11.15, anta mesej lagi, pukul 3pm baru jumpa. Sukati je kan tukar2 time bila nak jumpa. Nasib baik la boss kan. Tak sampai hati aku nak marah.

Janji dengan kawan aku yang tengah sarat pregnant nk teman dia g jalan2, last2 tak jadi plak. Adik aku g klinik, balik aku kena g amik dia. Doc cakap suspect leukimia. Ah! sudah. Padahal symptom2 macam denggi. Tapi Doc suh balik makan ubat dulu, minggu depan datang cek darah skali lagi. Hmm.. Memang risau la bila dengar gitu especially bila family history memang ada kanser and leukimia. Harap2 takde la benda2 gitu..InsyaAllah...

Bila sibuk2 dengan family, tingat keja tak habis2, bila ngadap big boss tadi, rasa macam hopeless. Bleh ke aku nak grad ni? Kenapa keja aku tak jalan2 lagi? ke aku yang lembap sgt? lembap or lembab? Ah! Aku nak guna lembap jugak. So, bila terasa kebodohan melanda diri, mula la rasa cam tak semangat nak menghadapi hidup.

Tu la, bila makin dekat nak habis, makin banyak dugaan. Arrrgghhhh!! Tukat topik yang kurang stress sket. Alkisah ada RA baru masuk lab aku, group aku plak tu. Nak lagi menarik, lelaki melayu. Maka, kawan2 aku tetiba bertukar profession jadi tukang cari jodoh. Ada plak masa diorg meng-scandal-kan aku dengan mamat tu. Adoiyai! fhening aku nak melayan. 

Mamat tu plak, rajin je tegur aku. Pagi tadi, siap ajak aku g breakfast sesama gitu. Maka, makin seronok kawan aku meng-scandal-kan aku. Mentang2 aku bujang trang tang tang. Padahal sesama colleague pegi makan je, takde maksud tersirat dan tersurat pon. So, untuk beberapa hari berikutnya, akan berlaku sexual harassment secara berjemaah terhadap diriku yang lemah ini. Sekian.

Malam tadi mimpi jumpa kekasih pertama dan masih kekasih hingga sekarang walaupun kami hanya berpasangan dalam kepala hotak aku je. Ngee!

Kekasih awal

Sesungguhnya, aku tiadalah berminat, terminat or sengaja meminati mana2 mamat yang wujud secara realiti di hadapan mata aku kerana sesungguhnya mereka2 yang wujud dalam kepala hotak aku tahap best melebihi yang wujud di alam realiti. Melainkan kekasih2 aku dalam mimpi tiba2 wujud di alam realiti, maka akan aku war-warkan ke serata dunia..ngahahahahhaha~

Kekasih baru

p.s: Ditulis pada 15.3.2012

Rely

I feel bad whenever i tell people bout my trouble. Somehow it feels so wrong. When i talk to someone bout my trouble, in the end, it didn't feel good. Sometimes i think that i should bottled up my feeling, my trouble and pretend to be alright. But then, i would feel lonely.

Allah S.W.T creates Eve because Adam felt lonely in heaven. So, is it wrong for me to have a companion too? Someone to talk to. I know Allah wants us to depend only to Him. Because i used to depend on people, so He actually gave me a test to show me that I should only depend on Him, and after that day, i don't really believe in people and started to feel bad when i talk to people instead of Him about my trouble.

Well of course, we must put Allah first in our life. It's just that you know, i think i need human support too. Is it wrong to need a human?  I don't know, i'm still confused about this. Allah, please forgive me.

Because it is so tiring to be strong on your own while others are counting on you to become their strength.

My father is sick now. And there's nothing i can do about it..i'm so hopeless.

At times like this, it makes me even more vulnerable to syaitan attack. Protect me my Lord!

The prosthesis

Cuba nak jadi happy tapi, kadang2 sunyi sangat2.

Cuba memandang kehadapan dengan penuh semangat, tapi kadang2 rasa macam tak boleh nak go on dah.

Cuba bersabar, tapi kadang2 rasa macam penat sangat nak bersabar.

Aku bukan super woman.

Bukan cat woman

Mahupun Iron man.

Confused.??!!

Aku pun.

Aku bukanlah seorang yang pandai bercakap walaupun sekarang aku dah terer cakap Korea. Hah! Riak. narcissism.

Let’s face it, i can’t attract people with my voice. Ye la, aku bukannya penyanyi yang mempunyai suara lunak bagai. At times, bila aku di tengah2 lautan manusia, aku terasa begitu left out bagai melukut di tepi gantang. Wallaweh! Terasa begitu kemelayuan.

Bila keadaan tu berlaku, terasa sunyi menusuk kalbu. Kalau Wedelia yang dulu, dah lama aku angkat kaki blah dari keadaan yang menambah luka dihati sebegitu. Tapi wedelia yang sekarang, dah bleh relax. Tahap  ignorance dah makin tinggi, makin dapat handle pelbagai keadaan termasuk keadaan bila orang cuba tunjuk bagus depan aku.

Tapi aku jugak bukan seorang yang enjoy menjadi center of attention dengan manusia bersepah kiri kanan. Mostly, aku suka duduk sorang2, wat hal sendiri. Kadang2 melepak dengan kawan2 ok la. Nak selalu, tak dapek la aku nak nolongnya.

So,klu tak suka jadi melukut di tepi gantang and tak suka jadi center of attention, maka apakah yang aku nak sebenarnya? Err.... Husband maybe.

Gatal nak menikah nampak....

So as to speak, aku bukanlah gatal nak menikah, tapi more like want to have a companion. Seseorang yg dicintai, disayangi, dikasihi dan jugak mencintai, menyayangi dan mengasihi.

Seseorang yang bleh dibawak berbual, berbincang dan jugak bergaduh malah bergusti. Seseorang yang boleh diharap akan sentiasa bersama dlm apa jua keadaan termasuk keadaan di mana aku nak bershopping tanpa perlu menggunakan duit sendirik. Get it? Maksudnya di sini, aku perlukan sugar daddy.

Ok. Tak. Aku main2.

Aku perlukan suami. At last. I admit it. Walaupun tadi aku cuba membohongi diri sendiri. Ok, aku bleh dpt suma tu walaupun aku tak kawen. Tapi memandangkan boyfriend adalah sangat2 bertentangan dengan ajaran yang aku anuti, maka, husband is more likely right. Halal pun halal kan.

The point is, setelah penat mengharungi dunia sehari-hari, i just want to go back to a shoulder that i can lean on and hands to hug me and tell me;

“Hey, it’s ok. Everything’s gonna be alright. And even if things not gonna be alright, i’m still with you. I got your back. All the way. “

I don’t need the whole world to be by my side. I just need the one that i love and also love me. With him, i can live no matter how hard this life may be.

In need of support right now. Think, i’m gonna collapse real soon.